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Saturday, 27 July 2013

daily life: like my dreams

You may recall that the old Laboratoire had to be abandoned due to a biological incident and that work on the newer, better, faster, stronger, slicker, cheesier Laboratoire started in earnest.
As you can likely imagine The Laboratoire has to store lots of potentially dangerous fluids and the most efficient way to prevent a repeat of 'the incident' is to store these in a supercooled environment. This means that large swathes of The Laboratoire are dedicated to the freezing of liquids ranging from milky to creamy, and that requires a large number of freezing units.

While rebuilding The Laboratoire I ordered specially designed freezing units manufactured by Hotpoint, specified to handle the particularly toxic substances that are commonplace at The Laboratoire. Unfortunately these were not manufactured to the standards that we at The Laboratoire pride ourselves to uphold, and a few days ago an unfortunate, and previously very promising, member of staff was opening one of the storage drawers in an RZ freezing unit when it failed. As safety is of utmost importance at The Laboratoire she was wearing a state of the art hermetically sealed suit designed by The Laboratoire Skunkworks, yet as she pulled open the drawer it shattered and shards flew in all direction piercing a hole in her suit (the Skunkworks is now working tireless to create a more robust suit), and another piercing a containment unit enabling some very dangerous specimens to escape.
The biological containment procedures automatically triggered sealing off sector 19B of the Refrigeration and Freezing Facility and a controlled burn of the area was initiated, including the unfortunately infected employee.

Upon hearing the news that an employee of The Laboratoire had met such an untimely end I immediately contacted Hotpoint to complain that after a mere 5 months there had been a critical failure on one of their freezing units due to the poor quality materials used in it's manufacture.
Hotpoint boast of a 5 year parts warranty on all products, yet the company representative stated that this is a 'limited warranty' and does not cover any non-mechanical or plastic parts. I was completely outraged by this, they essentially stated that the product can be poorly made and break as long as it isn't the motor/compressor, the door can fall off, the shelves can snap, the drawers can explode, but as long as the compressor still runs they take no responsibility for this, even if the unit is only 2 weeks old, and even if the failure was covered (as unlikely as that would ever seem to be) there is a £100 labour charge levied against the replacement of any failed parts.

I'm not allowed to endorse or condemn an organisations or products on this site, I certainly can't tell you to never by a Hotpoint product because they are poorly manufactured and that the company unethical promotes a generous rectification programme with the aim of luring customers into purchasing products that are not fit for purpose. Though I can setup a new division at The Laboratoire dedicated to manufacturing freezing and refrigeration equipment that doesn't break after 5 months!

Sunday, 21 July 2013

mini-moan: locking the stable door

The internet is a dangerous place. Everybody is trying to steal your bases so they belong to them and although sometimes people don't lose their bases due to stupidity, most of the time it is down to the world being populated with morons.

As a result of this websites handling information that could be used to steal bases often overreact to this threat and implement absolutely ludicrous security measures such at the UK National Lottery website.

To buy tickets online for the UK lottery you have to fund your account with a minimum of £10, this is often via a debit card payment. These details are then stored on their servers so it's quick and easy for you to top-up the bases so Camelot can make millions make things more convenient for users.
You are able to get your bases back at any time, so long as there are at least 10 in the account, but these have to be transferred to the debit card used to fund the account.
So what happens when you want to your bases back but since you funded the account you were issued a new debit card because the old one expired, broke, was lost or was stolen? Well obviously you update the debit card details stored in your account, there is a handy link on the website.

But this is where the security kicks in, for your 'protection' if your account has any bases you can't update your debit card details, this prevents somebody hacking your lottery account, updating the debit card details and putting your hard earned bases into their account. So when you update your debit card details the site automatically transfers any bases to the previously registered card and then adds the new card.
Can you see the problem here? If you have an intellect great than that of a mentally retarded dung beetle, which granted is many times greater than the developers of the National Lottery website, you will have realised all your bases have been transferred to a debit card that no longer exists!

All your bases are belong to some random person now!!!