mini-moan: give it a good squeeze.

Balls can be tricky things, sometimes you need to grab hold of one but can't get a good grip. That's the problem with round things, and the bigger they are the harder it is to maintain purchase.
So that's why Bowling Balls have holes in them, once you stick your fingers in a hole (or three) things become much easier, but sometimes the holes are too big and your fingers just flop around with no sensation, or too small which means you can get your fingers in just fine but trying to get them out can lead to all manner of trouble.
It always annoys me massively when Bowling alleys, who's only job is to ensure people throw balls at sticks, completely fail on the hole front. My nearest Bowlplex have the worst holes I've ever stuck my fingers into, some of the holes in the balls are so small that you'd practically need a microscope to see them, were it not for my fingers becoming rather jammed I'd have thought they'd forgotten to drill any, so you end up going for a ball that is too large and cumbersome, clinging onto it like Wil Wheaton trying to hold onto his last shred dignity.
I just wish I could find a couple of balls that feel comfortable in my hands.

daily life: last shred of dignity

The work on building a new Laboratoire after 'The Incident' has progressed well, I am now well into the furnishing and fixings stage so today I headed to my local boot fair to see what bargains I could obtain for fitting out the Laboratoire.

As you can probably imagine the Laboratoire works on a lot of highly secret projects and along with such projects a huge amount of sensitive paperwork is produced. So top of my shopping list was a shredder to ensure that none of these papers fall into the wrong hands. To my delight I saw 2 shredders available the first a standard shredder which simply wasn't capable of safely disposing of documents as sensitive as those produced by the Laboratoire, the second was a cross-cut shredder which would provide the appropriate level of protection. After a short haggling session where the seller guaranteed the shredder was in full working order I handed over my £2 and toddled off with my new security device.

Eager to start disposing of my sensitives I popped them into the shredder, I waited for the sound of 'peace of mind' to erupt but there was only the sound of disappointment (which I've grown used to). The shredder did not work, I even had the chief engineer from the 'Laboratoire Advanced Technology Division' poke at it with a screwdriver for several minutes but to no avail.

 I am absolutely outraged that anybody would sell an item at a boot fair that they clearly knew did not function, especially as they proclaimed so forcefully that it was fully functional whilst I negotiated the price. No wonder I hate humanity if this is how they behave.
It'll take me 200 days of clicking through to Kelkoo from TopCashback to recoup my loses, and that assumes a 100% tracking rate, if you believe that could happen you are truly living in a wonderland.

daily life: something to say

I'm big on making outlandish statements, I have numerous theories and rules which I trot out from time to time and I just love to refute other people comments.
That's basically all this blog is, a series of outlandish statements about daily situations in which I complain about others and the stupid things that they do.

But what really annoys me is when people ask me to back-up my clearly outlandish statements, to provide evidence proving my point is correct. If I make a claim such as 'Only homosexual men wear black shoes' and somebody asks me where my scientific basis for that statement is they are merely embarrassing themselves and showing their own stupidity (everybody knows straight men only wear brown shoes).

Somebody please just give throw me a bone.

food: trused-up

Don't worry reader the picture above is nothing to be concerned about, well that's not strictly true, it's nothing sinister.
Today I decanted to my local Tesco Extra to purchase the final few ingredients for a curry, one of said ingredients was a bulb of garlic. I spent some time circling the store at one point proclaiming 'Am I stupid, I can't find garlic anywhere', I received a few strange looks.
When I was finally pointed to the garlic I couldn't quite comprehend that which I saw, at first I thought they obviously only sell garlic in packs of 2 or more which was annoying as I only needed one bulb, but as I lifted the sack to my face for inspection I discovered that the sack contained just one.
I can understand the need for a sack if storing two items, but this is completely unnecessary.
I can only guess that Tesco have had numerous requests from customers that they need to be able to swing their garlic around and Tesco felt that swinging a sack would provide the best end user experience.
I am certainly not saying that you can't have a great deal of fun with a sack, but a sack containing a single bulb of garlic is completely unnecessary.
This is made more ridiculous when examined in context, nowadays Tesco provides carrier bags that are designed to bio-degrade, they actually bio-degrade before you've even managed to get your shopping home often leaving a boot full of plastic confetti, and they want everybody to re-use their bags to help 'save the environment'. Well then, why on earth are they manufacturing garlic sacks? Surely the carbon footprint of that garlic sack is far larger than selling the garlic loose and the customer using one of those little clear plastic bags that Tesco already have to supply for the other vegetables?
Plus most bizarrely Tesco sell their "Chef's Choice" garlic in sacks of 1(49p) or 4(£1) and Organic garlic in sacks of 3 (90p), I found this bizarre, why not sell the "Chef's Choice" garlic loose for say 30p each and let the user choose however many they want?