food: you say ping...

... I say pong

I'm a big fan of all things garlic, on occasion I could probably be mistaken for a Frenchmen, and I often cook up a batch of garlic butter king prawns. Garlic prawns and fresh bread is hard to beat.
But the problem with cooking up a tasty garlic based dish is having to handle the Garlic, everybody is well aware of my issue with Asparagus and Garlic isn't much better in that regard.
The main issue is crushing of the cloves, all manner of garlicy juice absorbed deep into the very core of my hands and it just wont shift. I've tried everything short of scrubbing my hands with wire wool, I even resorted to asking a Frenchman how he removed the odour of Garlic from his body, and his response was to rub my hands on a Zinc tap which proved to be as effective as the French army (or Lithuanian Air Force) . If you are interested the exact phrasing of the question was 'Hey, you're French! You must know how to get the smell of Garlic off your hands?'.

But finally I have solved the problem with the newest creation from the Advanced Technology Department at The Laboratoire; Garlic_Gloves.
These multi-use gloves manufactured from fabric coated in a custom Garlic repellent film specially developed for use in Garlic_Gloves by experts in the field of odour repellent films at The Laboratoire are guaranteed to repel all Garlic juices.

On sale immediately at a mere £10 for a right Garlic_Glove, £20 for a left Garlic_Glove (because being left handed is wrong and left handed people should be punished for their Satanic ways) or £50 for a matching set containing 1 x Right Garlic_Glove and 1 x Left Garlic_Glove.

mini-moan: silver lining?

Firstly, this is post number 150. Big up The Guy Who Moans Called Matthew Massive!

So, I was perusing the Deli-counter at Waitrose, in fact I was the only person at the deli counter and about to purchase some items. But then, suddenly, swooping in like some sort of mad bat an old lady jumped in front of me to enquire about the location of pre-packed Salami. I thought this couldn't take more than a few seconds so didn't mention anything, though obviously I was boiling over with rage and eyeing up the cheese wire!
Then, to my amazement, a long conversation about various Salami available at the counter began, the next thing I know the counter assistant started slicing huge amounts of Salami. I stood there bewildered, was this an evolution of the 'Chat and Cut'? Literally a chat about Salami followed by cutting Salami.

Apparently during this outrageous behaviour by a member of the 'greatest generation' two women appeared at the counter looking at cheeses. This now fairly lengthy queue provoked a member of staff to jump into action and reduce the congestion that was now forming at the deli. Unaware of who was first in line (clue it was me) the assistant asked who was next, to my complete surprise one of the new arrivals chimed up "I'm next" to which I had to finally take exception.

Perhaps these 'cutters' were concerned that the 5 year matured cheddar might suddenly expire in the 5 minutes it would take for me to purchase some coleslaw, or that the Danish Blue would become a tad too mouldy for consumption?

daily life: words cost nothing

Being a thoughtful and kind individual I like to make my Laboratoire a comfortable and enjoyable place to be for the numerous Laboratoire staff. That's why the Laboratoire is home to a fine dining facility and a number of kitchens stocked with superb beverages and snacks, there are even refrigerators so Laboratoire staff can keep food and drinks from home safe, and if they choose to store butter in a Laboratoire fridge they can guarantee that it won't disappear.
But it turns out that the Laboratoire kitchen is not the safe and convenient storage facility that I hoped it would be and the 'Laboratoire Advanced Cleaning Crew' have a habit of removing food from the fridges and breaking peoples mugs and other beverage holders. Wander over to the Laboratoire kitchen and you will see an array of chipped and cracked mugs or Laboratoire employees sobbing as they clean up the shards of a mug that was lovingly crafted by one of their children as a thoughtful birthday gift.

Accidents happen, though it seems like the Laboratoire cleaners may have been sticking their fingers in the butter based on the regularity of them dropping things, but never once will they stick a post-it to the broken remains with a note of condolence. I remember once hearing a terrific noise and when I next went to retrieve my mug found that only 75% of it that remained on the mug shelf.
Ronnie Corbett would be spinning in his grave (and if you are reading this after June 9th 2014 he will be) to know that sorry seems so hard to say.