There's no denying that 'Danny from The Script' is hot, who wouldn't want a nibble of that sausage? Teenage girls and boys up and down the country might fantasize about him 'popping their cherry' in ways that are far too graphic for the internet (even that corner you sometimes head to in your darkest moments), but behind those dreamy eyes there's very little happening.
So if there are more important things for you than a 'rocking bod' check out these guys.
Up 16 places at
Number 5 - Birdeatsbaby
A Dark Cabaret ensemble from Brighton riding high as their Kickstarter funded third album just released - There definitely isn't a photo of me in the album sleeve!
They've been through a few line-up changes over the years but Mishkin is still there and Mishkin is the bird that eats the baby? If you fancy whipping up a sing-song during your next BDSM session then 'Miserable' has you covered. Self-gratification your bag? Then get some 'Jim' in your ears. 'What the Water Gave Me', you'll have to decide what that's about! There is a reason it's called Dark Cabaret, Liza Minnelli isn't doing this on Broadway.
Down 67 places at
Number 4 - Die Mannequin
Punk? Post Punk? Rock? Alternative? Genres are so 2001 and where we are going we won't need no genres. Caroline Kawa - known by her stage name of Care Failure is Die Mannequin. Die Mannequin isn't a band it's a whom. Do you like songs written about 18th century french literature? You do? What's wrong with you? Fortunately Die Mannequin has you covered with 'Candide'. Their's some 'fruity' language in 'Miss Americvnt', and the best season to be a Cannibal is clearly Autumn.
Holding firm at
Number 3 - The Beatsteaks
Everybody loves German Punk Rock, so it's a complete mystery why this band is so obscure. Fortunately The Beatsteaks quickly realised they weren't going to Launch(ed) their career with that choice of genre and went comparatively mainstream. There's no need to crack out the German to English dictionary, they sing almost entirely in English and hilarity ensues when 'Crazy Eye Guy' gets going - I hear Jane made him insane
It's just you at
Number 2 - Metric
By far the most mainstream on this list, they wrote a song for the Scott Pilgrim soundtrack titled 'Black Sheep', take that 'Danny From The Script'.
Lyrics focusing quite often on war, corruption and inequality, but who cares about all that because Emily's skirts are as short as her legs are amazing. The second, but far from last Canadian group on this list, Canada is where the battle of the bands is at.
Firstly and finally at
Number 1 - The Birthday Massacre
TBM as it's affectionately known - Rainbow writes the songs, Chibbi sings and the rest hang about on the ceiling during the video for 'Blue' (not to be confused with 'Red', 'Black' or 'Violet'). Most of the band look in need of a hearty meal, but Chibbi's got it going-on!
If you are a Vampire Freak you'll know TBM, granted that's quite a niche following. Yet another Canadian offering, so sadly you can't see them over the 'Weekend', but you can always peer through the 'Looking Glass'.
Industrial Collective is probably a way to describe them, but words can do no justice so just head over to PledgeMusic and back their next album and you'll no longer be living 'In the dark'.
Next time on tgwmcm - 69 uses for Paella you never thought of
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