entertainment: haters gonna hate.

'Haters Gonna Hate', it's one of the oldest memes on the internet. What really riles me up is the haters always hating on one of my favourite bands, Muse. They aren't my favouritist (yeah I know it isn't a word) band, but they are certainly up there and conveniently forgetting 'The Resistance' have made some of the most perfect albums in recent history with Absolution containing some of my all time favourite tracks.
Yet utter the phrase 'I really like Muse' or 'Muse are one of my favourite bands' and you'll be swept away by a torrent of 'They're a wanna be Radiohead' or 'All of their songs are the same', yada yada yada.
Often these same people will then say 'The Black-eyed Peas are awesome', well they're not, The Black-eyed Peas are absolutely terrible, they are an abomination and anybody showing even a casual or cursory appreciation of them should be strung up by the dangly bits.
I get the obvious irony of complaining about the haters hating on Muse, but you are ignoring the simple fact, I am always right. If I say The Black-eyed Peas are terrible and Muse are awesome that is a FACT, indisputable, undeniable, FACT. Have The Black-eyed Peas written anything close to Time is Running Out, The Small Print, Knights Of Cydonia, Stockholm Syndrome, Darkshines or Sober. So they have Fergie strutting around provocatively, don't get me wrong I have nothing wrong with scantily clad ladies gyrating in front of me, but that doesn't mean their songs aren't shite.

So all you haters out their, redirect your hate onto a worthy target, The Black-eyed Peas, and leave Muse in peace. At the very least ask for Absolution.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Ck6Hcg2cjk&ob=av3e

driving: read between the line.

My the parking spaces in supermarkets are far too small, I only drive a Clio MK III.5 and they are too small for my car. Originally this was going to be a rant about the small size of parking bays in public car parks (especially pay and display car parks) and how this is to maximise profits at the expense of actually being able to park a car.
Breathe.
Then, as I was getting into my car after a fruitful trip to Tesco in which I didn't purchase any fruit I saw a fine example of parking. I took a quick picture of it with my phone for the world to see. If there are any readers of my blog working at the DVLA or for the police could you send me the address of this :censored:? However I then noticed it wasn't just the blue Ford Ka (I really hate the Ford Ka, from it's pathetic name to the stupid egg like shape) but a white van also parked across two bays. So which vehicle originally parked like such a twat? I'm guessing it was probably the white van.

But this is the issue with one person parking across two bays, it causes a domino effect and everybody ends up straddling the lines. It's happened to me, the last bay in the car pack is next to a BMW (and it is nearly always a BMW, I wouldn't be surprised if a BMW was parked straddling the lines before these vehicles pulled up and caused the whole thing) taking up more than one bay and I've had to squeeze in with my wheels in two separate bays because of this, then the person parking next to me does the same. Alternatively just managing to get into a single bay but being unable to exit the vehicle because the door won't open wide enough due to the obstructive BMW.

So if you see a car straddling the lines, feel free to break open the fuel filler cap and throw a burning match into the pertol tank. I've often found that a crowbar is very effective at prying open a filler cap with the minimum of effort. Head over to the tgwmcm official store to pick-up a tgwmcm branded 'line straddler preparedness kit'

technology: taking the easy route.

Shortcuts, in computing a shortcut is a key combination that is designed to make performing a common task quicker and easier. We all know the common ones such as Ctrl+F to bring up the search/find dialog, it makes perfect sense because I want to find something and find starts with an F.

Then you have the less obvious shortcuts Ctrl+X to cut and Ctrl+V for paste. Now Ctrl+X/V are chosen for logical reasons, most of the time you want to copy and not cut so Ctrl+C is copy (copy starts with a C you know), now after copying you want to paste and V is right next to C on a keyboard so just move your finger and everything is jazzy. Now Ctrl-X, well that's because X is the other side of C, so it's just convenient.

Anyway, I'm not here to compliment well chosen shortcuts, oh no, I am here to shame the stupidly chosen shortcuts.

Let's start with Google Chrome because according to the statistics for my blog that is the second most popular browser and also my browser of choice, if you are reading this post in Google Chrome you can sleep safe in the knowledge you have a tgwmcm approved browser and if any companies out there would like to join the 'Approved by tgwmcm' programme please send me a cheque for £1000 and I will officially endorse your product on my blog. But have you ever wondered what the shortcut to open the download history page is, logic would dictate that Ctrl+D would show downloads (download starts with a D obviously). Give it a try, I'll wait. Hah, got you , you just bookmarked my blog because Ctrl+D in Chrome bookmarks the currently opened tab. In what language does the word for bookmark start with a D because in English it doesn't even contain a D? So now you are asking what shortcut does open the download history, maybe their isn't a shortcut for it and they ran out of letters by the time they got to Bookmarks and had to use D. There is actually a shortcut for downloads, Ctrl+J. Ctrl+fecking+J, downloads certainly doesn't contain a J so where'd they get that one from?

So now you ask if Ctrl+J is downloads because Ctrl+D is bookmarks what did they map Ctrl+B to because obviously Ctrl+B was in use so they used Ctrl+D for bookmark instead of downloads. Well Ctrl+B isn't a bloody shortcut in Google Chrome and it just boggles the mind that this ever made it through usability testing.

And it gets worse, if you ever used the Perforce source control client, or more specifically P4Diff the shortcuts are even more bizarre. Atleast Chrome stuck with Ctrl+<letter>, P4Diff decided to eschew (that means to deliberately avoid using for my Lithuanian readers) letters in favour of numbers. If you want to go forward you use Ctrl+2 and backwards is Ctrl+1. WHAT? Why not Ctrl+N(ext) and Ctrl+B(ack), even Ctrl+<Left><Right><Up><Down> would have made more sense although it would have seemed like you were playing Dance Dance Revolution when performing a particularly complex diffing operation.

In summary it's counter intuative to add any shortcut that is harder to remember or use than completing the Kobayashi Maru.

daily life: i went to grammar school you know.

So a discussion at work got me a thunking. As you have noticed from previous postings I utilise a large quantity of 'run-on sentences' with very little punctuation. This is a deliberate act and is often challenging, sometimes I remove punctuation intentionally to give the illusion of ramblings; my posts are actually carefully planned and edited prior to posting. Well I am changing it up for this post so you'll see a lot more punctuation.

Anyway, I realised I am a bit of a 'grammar nazi', always finding fault with others and in particular a certain colleague who isn't a native English speaker. The problem is that I enjoy it so much, despite the fact English is frickin' difficult to learn and I was completely incapable of learning even basic French, German, Spanish or Latin, I find fault with the almost perfect (but not perfect enough) English of my colleague.

Sometimes I've catched caught completely incorrect use of language, but most of the time I'm just being a twat and for that I am sorry. But it still doesn't detract from the fact we need people to enforce good standards of English.
While I studied for my GCSEs and A-Levels only 5 marks were awarded for correct Spelling, Punctuation and Grammar, this even included English exams. The point was obviously not to punish those with dyslexia. The by-product was that correct use of grammar and the ability to spell just wasn't drummed into children in order to pass the test. There is a completely different debate on 'Teaching to the test' that I won't go into now.

But what about the parents? My dad used to be pretty hot on my grammar, mum can barely string a sentence together, but dad was a completely different story and ensured my grammar was top notch. But now we have a generation that can't spell or correctly punctuate a sentence, they certainly aren't going to ensure their children's grammar is impeccable. No more 'thick ears' for saying 'sheeps'.

I have no solution to this problem, that isn't my job, but at least I can continue picking up on my colleagues mistakes, that always gives me a warm feeling.

technology: live for the likes.

I have a confession to make - I have become addicted to 'the likes'.
Something snapped in me one day and now I am completely dependent on the little notification that pops up on Facebook to indicate somebody likes my post, picture or link.
In fact I sit their staring at my computer screen waiting for the notification to reassure me that I am indeed valued by some individual that I really don't know that well. It has reached the point where I will post any random crap in the vein hope that somebody will hit that little thumb icon, most likely out of pity, just to brighten up my sad and pathetic life.

I really need help, for years I was able to let the whole social networking craze pass me by, dismissing it as something stupid people do. But now I am actively participating, but worse than that I don't even have any friends to socialise or network with and that just makes it even more pointless.

I wonder what happens when you like your own post?

daily life: there is no other.

I originally asked for article requests on my Facebook page and the best idea was going to be the first article of 2012. Then I realised I don't have any friends so that idea soon went out the window.

But then I saw a Tesco advert that annoyed me, an attempt to sell tat for Mothers Day. It proudly boasted 'Cards from 50p and gifts from £1'. And it reminded me of how much I dislike mothers day.

Hold on before you leave my site in disgust. I hate mothers day because it perpetuates a belief that you can take your mother for granted, treat her badly for 364 days a year (or 365 if it is a leap year) and as long as you by a cruddy card and a bunch of dead flowers everything is fine.

Maybe for small children mothers day is fine, a day when they can show some appreciation for everything their mum has sacrificed over the years without truly understanding how hard their mum really works, but once you become an adult and  understand how difficult it is to raise children you should know better than to treat your mum as free labour.

Take my mum as an example, she currently lives over 152 miles away, and I speak to her at least twice a day on the phone which if you think about it that isn't very difficult, yet she has friends that haven't spoken to their children in months or seen them in years. This is not acceptable, how difficult is it to pick up the phone and have a chat for 20 minutes? In a way I blame mothers day for this. If everybody gave their mum the level of love and respect they deserved every day of the week we wouldn't need to earmark one Sunday in March to celebrate them, and if you think your mum is only worth a 50p card once a year then you don't deserve to have one.

And to all you fathers out there, it's your responsibility to ensure your children give their mum (your girlfriend, fiancée or wife) the level of respect she deserves. And if you take mum for granted so will your children.

So starting this Sunday (in the UK at least), if you've been taking your mum for granted all these years I want you to change your ways and say 'From now on I'm going to give my mum the level of love and respect she deserves'. And if you continue to be selfish I'll send Mr T to sort you out.

anouncement: reports of my death are greatly exaggerated

It has been a while since I updated this blog, and I have heard rumours that I am no longer alive. Some reports have involved large quantities of bananas and duct tape.
I can assure you that these reports are not true, and this post is being typed by myself, and not via some form of possession from 'The Other Side'.

The truth is that I have been working on my plans for world domination, and if you've ever worked on such plans yourself you will know how time consuming they can be. There are various conditions you must account for, and many contingency plans to ensure 'success criteria' is met. But I guarantee that the planning stage is nearly complete and you will soon see more activity, on May 2nd 2011 an early 'proof of concept' was performed which I can confirm was successful.

I hope that I can count on you to be discrete, I wouldn't want anybody to be forewarned of my plans.