multi-moan: ramblings of a poet.

To mark this special event, for those of you that aren't very smart and haven't worked it out yet it is the 100th post on theguywhomoanscalledmatthew. I thought long and hard about how to celebrate this and the plan was to have my special guest writer (recently discovered in my talent search) a very talented, clever and unintentionally funny individual to collaborate with me on the post but logistically things haven't worked out yet.

So instead you'll just have to put up with my ramblings. And there will be several 'mini-moans' collated into what I call a 'multi-moan', hence the new tag.

Always use your left hand
Why is it that when you have just parked the car, it's raining outside so your windscreen wipers are on, just as you turn off the ignition your windscreen wipers decide to do one last sweep and stop in the middle of the cycle so you have to put the car back into accessory mode. Maybe it is my OCD, but I can't stand seeing a car with the wipers upright on the windscreen in mid-wipe, plus they are just asking for some yobbo to snap them off.

Internet Code
Some time ago I coined a phrase, 'Internet Code'. For example, if like me you are a software developer, you come across a problem that doesn't have an obvious solution or often you feel there must already be some perfectly serviceable code on the internet and why bother re-inventing the wheel. So you do a search, probably ending up on Stack Overflow, and somebody has asked this exact question you require an answer to and some helpful individual has posted a code snippet that 'solves' your problem.
Excited, you copy this code and paste into into your Integrated Development Environment of choice. Hmm, I seem to have a few red squiggly lines going on here. You look a bit closer, and think "I've never heard of that library, I'll just give it a Google". It soon becomes obvious that this 'Internet Code' doesn't work, worse of all it doesn't compile, it uses libraries that don't exist and it has logic flaws even if the library did exist. It is code that only works on the Internet.
But how can this 'answer' have 100 positive votes, and a dozen comments stating 'Thanks man, that solved my problem' or 'Wow, you are a life saver, my project was running over schedule until I found your answer'.
My only explanation is that the :censored: that posted this bollocks code created hundreds of accounts on Stack Overflow just to up-rank their incorrect answers. What a twat!!!

Facebook Consumer
Last week I coined this term to describe my closest friend, well being a pathetic loner I mean the individual I spend the most time looking at through my telephoto lens.
A Facebook consumer is a person that never posts original content to Facebook, they only consume Facebook. Every entry on their wall (or timeline now) is a like or a share of somebody's original Facebook content. A Facebook consumer never contributes to the social network, they only take, they are selfish and are single handedly killing the Pandas, polluting the atmosphere and causing this drought we are in the middle of (although it's the wettest drought I've ever known).


So there you have it, the world's first ever multi-moan.