special event: One Thousand View Question Answering Extravaganza!

I'd just like to start this special event with the touching remark that a loyal reader sent me alongside their questions.

I have to say that it is a great honer(sic) to send you something created by my mind

Must try harder, what exactly is an 'honer'
But seriously, such statements make the great effort of compiling this blog worthwhile.

So on with the questions.

This first question may help all you tgwmcm wannabes.
How can one become a professional moaner?
Unfortunately it isn't something you can become it is something you are. To become such an expert in the field of moaning as I, contrary to your beliefs, is not the result of many years practising, immense dedication or vast investment. Instead it requires you to be a sad, pathetic and lonely individual with too much spare time.


What do you think of other people that moan?
I have no time for other people moaning because they are simply too pathetic at it. You have to moan with finesse, swearing wildly and rambling incoherently isn't moaning it is a sign of a simple mind and I cannot stand a simple mind.


Next up is a light hearted question.
What is your favourite party decoration?
'Wang Balloons', in fact wang shaped objects (which are distinctly different from objects that are wangs) amuse me in general. So a balloon that is in the shape of a wang is the ideal way to decorate for that 'special occasion'.


This next question is slightly odd (and badly worded).
Does putting annoying things into writing mean that people hear less moaning from you in real life? Why?
If you in fact meant 'Does conveying your annoyance in writing mean you moan less in person, and if so why?' Then the answer is;
I like to think my written moaning is merely an extension of, and not a replacement to, my everyday moaning. Often my blog posts are based on moans I have recently verbalised. Of course, I don't have much opportunity to moan in person as I have little human contact as a result of my pathetic and lonely existence. So no, I do not moan less as a result of this blog, I moan even more.


Where were you born?
I was not born on your planet, instead I arrived here inside a meteorite in a time before your calendar began. My birth occurred on a planet deep inside the Moan-Nebula called Moanania and the day of my birth was in fact a planet wide holiday marked by great celebrations for I was a God amongst my people. But one day a great misfortune struck my planet as our fuel supply 'Moanium' ran low and my people sacrificed their lives so that I may live. Unfortunately the planet I arrived on was yours.


How do you imagine your audience?
Bouncing up and down with no clothes on.

Slightly personal but I'll answer anyway.
How old are you?
That is a tricky question, much like a dog I do not age as a human. When I was born my age was equivilent to 63 of your human years. Inside my cellular structure are small life forms called moan-i-clorians which age my body 1 minute each time I moan. I am at the time of this post 647 years old which equates to 307,154,079 individual moans.

And finally.
What is it about moaning that makes it so enjoyable to read?
The enjoyment you obtain from reading this blog does not come from the fact I moan incessantly, but instead from my great skill with the written word, my vast intellect and of course my immeasurable charm and sophistication.


So there you have it, if your questions were not answered that is because they were pathetic much like you and therefore not worthy of my time. I will in fact be billing those that sent me stupid questions triple for wasting my time.